Christine Kuan June 9 at 1:04am
hiiiii i'm sorry to bother you but i really feel like telling you this wonderful thing that god has given me...
no i did not receive any of those gifts of the holy spirit or something like that, what i got,to me, was even better. it was freedom.
you see, i was suffering from this mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder in which i fear dirt, dust, germs etc. and i didn't really realize it before but this fear was really keeping me away from god. not only did i stay away from things that i thought were dirty but i could not touch my own grandmother without washing my hands afterwards. when my grandma had to sleep in my room and she touched my bed(which is my most sensitive spot in my OCD) I hated her so much. If i lie on my bed without bathing, i just wouldn't be able to stand it. I would have to wipe my bed with wet hands at least to rid it of its "dirtyness". Really a simple thing like sitting on my bed wearing my "dirty" school uniform would tear me apart and make my whole day miserable. There is a boy named yeap keng han in my school and everytime i saw him i feel disgusted and i will avoid him even though my conscience tells me what a retard i am. But i really could not control it.
I had this problem since i was around 8 and instead of trying to overcome it, i just ignored it and accommodated for it by bathing right before bed, washing my hands often, altogether avoiding dirt. It became a very normal thing for me.
Then during R.O.C.K. camp, somehow when priscilla was telling her story about overcoming her fear of heights, i started crying and i really didnt even know why. Then i couldn't stop even though i really wanted to because it is really embarassing when i am the only one in the room who is crying over ridiculous thing. Then i thought about my fear. My OCD. Later I went back to my room with gloria and priscilla and i told them my story and then i realized that this stupid thing was really was blocking me from God. I was letting my fears control me. Then God set me free. I knew i wouldnt have to suffer anymore. I knew that i must overcome my compulsion not for me, but for God.
Actually when I came for ROCK camp, i seriously thought that I was pretty much healed because I changed my character drastically after attending the first ROCK camp. But i was wrong. I think I was still missing out on the main point. I don't just need a little bit of God in my life. I need God to be the center of my life. Because when I saw the missionary people video thingy, I knew that there really is no happier or better thing i could do then to share in God and to be with God and that is exactly what I have not been doing my whole life.
Today, after sweating and playing the whole day, i lay on my bed, without bathing, and i know that i am free. Really, i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can think about nothing but God and I really want to get closer to him and do more for him. But i really have no idea how. Actually for a while, i was really considering just leaving school as soon as i could to go out and help people just like that new zealand thingy but then today after asking my dad if i can visit a refugee camp and an orphanage, he told me it is okay as long as i dont turn over and become a social worker because i will not be paid and cannot be rich that way. I really dont know what to say to my dad because i do not want my life to go that way and i cannot see myself happy with all the riches of the world anymore. Now I realized that only God can make me truly happy. I'm also scared that i lose my fire because i have been to camp before and i know that after a few months, i would forget everything i learnt and felt. i think i really need guidance...
Gloria and priscilla, you guys really i mean really made this camp one of the most memorable experiences in my life because talking about faith is just ssoooooo wonderful and i love you guys so much and thank you so much for listening and for helping me as well as sharing your own lovely experiences^^
To alvin, please dont give up on us... we really need you and i can't explain how awesome you are in words.
john, you really dont know how much you telling me that crying is just a manifestation of the holy spirit meant to me because i seriously thought there was something wrong with my hormones or my brain was retarded or something...
Thankyou guys so much and praise the lord! ^^
no i did not receive any of those gifts of the holy spirit or something like that, what i got,to me, was even better. it was freedom.
you see, i was suffering from this mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder in which i fear dirt, dust, germs etc. and i didn't really realize it before but this fear was really keeping me away from god. not only did i stay away from things that i thought were dirty but i could not touch my own grandmother without washing my hands afterwards. when my grandma had to sleep in my room and she touched my bed(which is my most sensitive spot in my OCD) I hated her so much. If i lie on my bed without bathing, i just wouldn't be able to stand it. I would have to wipe my bed with wet hands at least to rid it of its "dirtyness". Really a simple thing like sitting on my bed wearing my "dirty" school uniform would tear me apart and make my whole day miserable. There is a boy named yeap keng han in my school and everytime i saw him i feel disgusted and i will avoid him even though my conscience tells me what a retard i am. But i really could not control it.
I had this problem since i was around 8 and instead of trying to overcome it, i just ignored it and accommodated for it by bathing right before bed, washing my hands often, altogether avoiding dirt. It became a very normal thing for me.
Then during R.O.C.K. camp, somehow when priscilla was telling her story about overcoming her fear of heights, i started crying and i really didnt even know why. Then i couldn't stop even though i really wanted to because it is really embarassing when i am the only one in the room who is crying over ridiculous thing. Then i thought about my fear. My OCD. Later I went back to my room with gloria and priscilla and i told them my story and then i realized that this stupid thing was really was blocking me from God. I was letting my fears control me. Then God set me free. I knew i wouldnt have to suffer anymore. I knew that i must overcome my compulsion not for me, but for God.
Actually when I came for ROCK camp, i seriously thought that I was pretty much healed because I changed my character drastically after attending the first ROCK camp. But i was wrong. I think I was still missing out on the main point. I don't just need a little bit of God in my life. I need God to be the center of my life. Because when I saw the missionary people video thingy, I knew that there really is no happier or better thing i could do then to share in God and to be with God and that is exactly what I have not been doing my whole life.
Today, after sweating and playing the whole day, i lay on my bed, without bathing, and i know that i am free. Really, i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can think about nothing but God and I really want to get closer to him and do more for him. But i really have no idea how. Actually for a while, i was really considering just leaving school as soon as i could to go out and help people just like that new zealand thingy but then today after asking my dad if i can visit a refugee camp and an orphanage, he told me it is okay as long as i dont turn over and become a social worker because i will not be paid and cannot be rich that way. I really dont know what to say to my dad because i do not want my life to go that way and i cannot see myself happy with all the riches of the world anymore. Now I realized that only God can make me truly happy. I'm also scared that i lose my fire because i have been to camp before and i know that after a few months, i would forget everything i learnt and felt. i think i really need guidance...
Gloria and priscilla, you guys really i mean really made this camp one of the most memorable experiences in my life because talking about faith is just ssoooooo wonderful and i love you guys so much and thank you so much for listening and for helping me as well as sharing your own lovely experiences^^
To alvin, please dont give up on us... we really need you and i can't explain how awesome you are in words.
john, you really dont know how much you telling me that crying is just a manifestation of the holy spirit meant to me because i seriously thought there was something wrong with my hormones or my brain was retarded or something...
Thankyou guys so much and praise the lord! ^^
4 comments:
Thank you sooo much for posting this, it has just made my day! :)x It's so wonderful knowing that the Lord is everwhere :)
I hope we both have many, many more amazing experiences with the Lord
nice
Hello Cristine,myself Amrita from India.I was so much dissappoint with my life.fortunately i had readout your blog .truly speaking it was realy a miracle happen in my life.thanks a lot.....
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