Friday, March 8, 2013

I just want to say, the person who wrote this blog, the Christine Kuan I used to be is not the Christine Kuan I am anymore.

The things I used to idolize, the words I used to say, the mean-ness and insensitivity, the maturity level that was just embarrassing.

This is my past. I've moved on from that because someone has promised me a much greater happiness than all this world, all the stuff I used to love, can give.

I actually stopped this blog 3 years ago.

The new me can be found here:

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God bless you all your days

Friday, June 18, 2010


"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Bla dont think im a retard for posting this online but they told me before that by sharing, i can spread the God too. Maybe i can touch some people's lives just like Priscilla's testimony touched me.

This is a message I sent to some people.

Between Gloria Su, Priscilla Edna Moreira, Alvin Teoh, John Jonathan Paul, Cheryl Anne and You
Christine Kuan June 9 at 1:04am
hiiiii i'm sorry to bother you but i really feel like telling you this wonderful thing that god has given me...
no i did not receive any of those gifts of the holy spirit or something like that, what i got,to me, was even better. it was freedom.

you see, i was suffering from this mild case of obsessive compulsive disorder in which i fear dirt, dust, germs etc. and i didn't really realize it before but this fear was really keeping me away from god. not only did i stay away from things that i thought were dirty but i could not touch my own grandmother without washing my hands afterwards. when my grandma had to sleep in my room and she touched my bed(which is my most sensitive spot in my OCD) I hated her so much. If i lie on my bed without bathing, i just wouldn't be able to stand it. I would have to wipe my bed with wet hands at least to rid it of its "dirtyness". Really a simple thing like sitting on my bed wearing my "dirty" school uniform would tear me apart and make my whole day miserable. There is a boy named yeap keng han in my school and everytime i saw him i feel disgusted and i will avoid him even though my conscience tells me what a retard i am. But i really could not control it.

I had this problem since i was around 8 and instead of trying to overcome it, i just ignored it and accommodated for it by bathing right before bed, washing my hands often, altogether avoiding dirt. It became a very normal thing for me.

Then during R.O.C.K. camp, somehow when priscilla was telling her story about overcoming her fear of heights, i started crying and i really didnt even know why. Then i couldn't stop even though i really wanted to because it is really embarassing when i am the only one in the room who is crying over ridiculous thing. Then i thought about my fear. My OCD. Later I went back to my room with gloria and priscilla and i told them my story and then i realized that this stupid thing was really was blocking me from God. I was letting my fears control me. Then God set me free. I knew i wouldnt have to suffer anymore. I knew that i must overcome my compulsion not for me, but for God.

Actually when I came for ROCK camp, i seriously thought that I was pretty much healed because I changed my character drastically after attending the first ROCK camp. But i was wrong. I think I was still missing out on the main point. I don't just need a little bit of God in my life. I need God to be the center of my life. Because when I saw the missionary people video thingy, I knew that there really is no happier or better thing i could do then to share in God and to be with God and that is exactly what I have not been doing my whole life.

Today, after sweating and playing the whole day, i lay on my bed, without bathing, and i know that i am free. Really, i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can think about nothing but God and I really want to get closer to him and do more for him. But i really have no idea how. Actually for a while, i was really considering just leaving school as soon as i could to go out and help people just like that new zealand thingy but then today after asking my dad if i can visit a refugee camp and an orphanage, he told me it is okay as long as i dont turn over and become a social worker because i will not be paid and cannot be rich that way. I really dont know what to say to my dad because i do not want my life to go that way and i cannot see myself happy with all the riches of the world anymore. Now I realized that only God can make me truly happy. I'm also scared that i lose my fire because i have been to camp before and i know that after a few months, i would forget everything i learnt and felt. i think i really need guidance...

Gloria and priscilla, you guys really i mean really made this camp one of the most memorable experiences in my life because talking about faith is just ssoooooo wonderful and i love you guys so much and thank you so much for listening and for helping me as well as sharing your own lovely experiences^^

To alvin, please dont give up on us... we really need you and i can't explain how awesome you are in words.

john, you really dont know how much you telling me that crying is just a manifestation of the holy spirit meant to me because i seriously thought there was something wrong with my hormones or my brain was retarded or something...

Thankyou guys so much and praise the lord! ^^

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Charity club

Stock List (arranged based on price) * updated




Price (RM)


Notebook - Retarded




Pencil Set








Heart Shaped Box




Soft Toy - Small




Pen Set




Document Case - Slim




Laundry Bag




Notebook - Normal




Document Case - Broad




Paper Mate Set




Soft Toy - Medium




Motivation/Edu Set




Soft Toy - Big






Donation >2

Monday, March 22, 2010

Another career test

Best Occupational Category

You're a CREATOR


Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2nd Best Occupational Category



Independent, Self-Motivated, Reserved, Introspective, Analytical, and Curious

These investigative types gather information, analyze and interpret data, and inquire to uncover new facts. They have a strong scientific orientation, enjoy academic or research environments and prefer self-reliant jobs. Dislikes are group projects, selling, and repetitive activities.

Every career test i take says the same thing, but nothing I'm supposed to be doing fits my dad's criteria of "Accountant"

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Do i seriously suffer a mental illness?

I saw this sign today staring out at me through the window of that art attack shop.

(click for bigger view)

I will translate all to english now for those who cannot understand BM...
and because i hate BM.

Characteristics of Autistic People:

1. has 1 person conversations

anyone who spends 5 minutes with me will realize that half the time, i am talking to myself about something or other.

2. doesn't show interest

unless it's something shiny, most of the time, if you tell me anything, i will just look blur and everything is going in one ear and coming out the other...

3. copies actions

how often do I play this dumb game?


somemore the light is blocking in this picture.. hahahha...

5. Flaps hands

Ohmigosh like how many times a day do I attempt to fly????

6. Laugh berdekah-dekah(like a lunatic) at unsuitable times

Okay twilight, new moon and true blood aside, has anyone seen me in class where i suddenly start laughing to myself for no apparent reason?

7. Likes to spin things

One of my favourite pastimes! I play with my baby cousin's balls more than they do and anything that can spin, i will spin.
eg, cups, toilet rolls, bottles, pencils...

8. No eye contact

This only applies to me half of the time.
If you're talking to me about boring shit though, of course I'm going to stare at that speck of dust that just flew by your head...

9. hates change.

Also half applied.
Everyone hates change and so do i. But I guess autistic people are extremely intolerable to change?

10. Talks about the same thing repeatedly.

If you have met me, you may find that I tell you the same story that happened to me today about 5 or 6 times. The number is small because by that time, normal people would have asked me to shut up and go away. This somehow breaks off my talking streak.

11. Doesn't play with other people.

Okay this is not true because I love playing with everyone. :D

12. Only joins groups if helped or pushed(not push as in push you off the building).

Well this is half true. If I know people there, i will join stuff in a flash.
but if I don't have a teman, you will never get me joining any type of group stuff...
I'm scared of people..?

13. Shows liking for adult's hands.

If you sit behind me in mass, you will notice i'm playing with my mother's hands the whole time. Except when I'm clasping them together in prayer la but anyway, i hold my mum's hand a lot. and my dads too. in car they dricing also i hold their hand to increase the chance of car crash. hahahaha. don't catch me, police! xD

And those are the 13 unlucky signs.

And out of those 13, I have 10.5 matched characteristics.

Either that, or this sign is very retarded.


I'm just christine!


look it's the laughter again...